Academic Writing Sample Task 1 #48
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on
the web.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
You should write at least 150 words.
model answer 1:
The graph shows the number of hits to two new music sites on the web, measured
in thousands over a period of fifteen days. As far as Music Choice is concerned,
the number of visits to the Site fluctuated between 20,000 and 40,000 in the
first eleven days, except for Day 3 when they reached 60,000. By contrast,
visits to the Pop Parade Site fell erratically from approximately 120,000 hits
on Day 1 to around 40,000 on Day 7.
Between days 11 and 15 visits to Music Choice fluctuated dramatically, hitting a
peak of over 120,000 on Day 14. Despite a drop to less than 40,000 hits, Pop
Parade Saw a huge increase in the number of hits between Days 9 and 11, reaching
a total of over 150,000 hits on Day 11. At the end of the fifteen-day period the
number of hits to Pop Parade peaked at around 170,00, whereas those for Music
Choice Showed a marked decline to around 70,000.
(163 words)
model answer 2:
The graph shows people using new music places on the Internet in fifteen days
period of time namely personal choice and trendy pop music.
The overall trend shows fluctuation with slight Increased towards the end of the
period.
Starting with Music Choice websites; 40,000 poeple went on this new site on
first-day. Half of them backed out the next day. In Contrast to this Pop Parade
net sites were visited by 120,000 music lovers on day one which decreased
slightly on the next day thereafter regaining the same fame on 3rd day.
After 3rd day the enthusiasm for both music lines on Internet dropped slowly-
reaching maximum fall of 40,000 on 7th day. Whereas Music choice gained
popularity, slightly Improoving to get the original strength of 30,000 viewers
on screen, but was getting still less visiters than their opponent Pop group
i.e. 40,000 on day 7.
In the biegining of the next week both gained remarkable recovery after a few
fluctuations for 8th and 9th day having 40,000 and 50,000 visiters respectively,
reaching to their peaks of one and a half thousand new viewers for Pop Parade on
11th day showing a contrast of very few people visiting Music choice for the
same day. Thereafter Music choice gained popularity on 12th day for having more
than 120,000 new visiters on web.
In the end of the period Pop sites were visited by maximum viewers of 180,000
whereas sites located to Music choice were not explored by more than 80,000
explorers on the last day of the report.
(257 words)
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6 score. Here is the examiner's comment:
Well organized with some good linking devices and collocations (gain popularity, remarkable recovery, decrease slightly) and some valid comparison of the music sites. However, some sentences are long and confusing (paragraph 5), some collocations are inaccurate (slight increased, reaching to their peaks) and there is some repetition (7th day, 3rd day, 11 th day). Some words are spelt incorrectly (poeple, Improoving, visiters, biegining).